Women Grow Business

Editor’s Note: this is the second in a guest post series of two on crystal-clear communications by author Stacey Hanke

Um, Er, What I Mean To Say Is…

Another uh, challenge we have, you know, that is preventing, um, us from, like, getting to the point, um, are the words, you know, that clutter, you know, our language.

When you hear your female leaders using these words in italics, how do you perceive them?  Knowledgeable, credible and confident probably don’t come to mind.

The number one challenge women need to overcome if they want to influence, is the ability to replace their non-words with a pause.

We use non-words to buy ourselves time to think about what we want to say.

These words become distracting and your listener misinterprets your message. Instead, give your listeners time to hear and understand your message.

Give yourself permission to think on your feet by replacing your non-words with pauses. Speak in shorter thoughts or sentences.

As a result, you will:

• Get to the point and avoid rambling.
• Hold your listener’s attention.
• Gain control over your message and how you communicate your message.
• Give your listeners time to hear, understand and act on what you say.

When we’re trying to break old habits, it’s difficult to accomplish this grueling task on our own because we’re unaware of our behavior and our word choice.

The key to creating new habits is to receive immediate feedback to make a change.

Without immediate feedback you’ll:

• Continue to be in denial.
• Choose to use qualifiers and non-words.
• Annoy your listeners because you never get to the point.
• Be perceived with a lack of knowledge, confidence, trust and credibility.

How can you make sure your communication isn’t breaking up and negatively impacting your business?

1. Give yourself permission to think on your feet. You may be using over-qualifiers to buy yourself time.

In reality, they don’t help you think on your feet. Instead, they throw you off. PAUSE to give yourself the time you need to collect your thoughts so that you sound confident, credible and knowledgeable.

2. Pre-plan.  Prior to a meeting or face-to-face conversation, take the time to think through your words and choose words that will tap into what’s important to your listeners.

3.  Videotape yourself delivering a presentation, facilitating a meeting or having a face-to-face conversation.  When you review the tape, ask yourself the following:

• “Is what I’m saying consistent with how I say it?”
• “What worked and didn’t work for me and for my listener?”
• “What can I do and say to increase my confidence, credibility and trust?
• Here’s the most challenging question of them all, “Could I sit through my presentation, meeting or face-to-face conversation more than once?”

Enhancing our communication is a lifelong process.

The advantage you have as a leader is that you have numerous opportunities to practice and enhance your ability to communicate with impact and influence.

Practice doesn’t make perfect.  Practice makes permanent.

Want more? Here you go:

• Stacey Hanke’s first post in this two-part series on crystal-clear communications
• Take this quiz from MindTools to evaluate your communication skills

Image: Tim Parkinson, Creative Commons

Stacey Hanke is founder of 1^st Impression Consulting, Inc. Author of Yes You Can!  Everything You Need From A to Z To Influence Others To Take Action.  Visit www.1stimpressionconsulting.com.

Tweet This Post

With an incredible track record in the world of integrated communications – plus a great attitude to match – Shonali Burke knows how to grow business and strong partnerships.

And from the start, she’s been a Women Grow Business guest blogger and enthusiast. She’s demonstrated leadership and impact through a range of business communities.

To celebrate a few
She was named in PR Week’s inaugural Top 40 Under 40 List. In 2008, she was one of three recipients of the acclaimed Golden Ruler Award from the Institute of Public Relations for excellence in research and measurement. And now in addition to serving her expanding client portfolio, Shonali teaches communications as Adjunct Faculty for Johns Hopkins University’s M.A. in Communications program.

She now serves as IABC/DC Metro‘s current President. And just last week, savvy CEO Lee Odden of Top Rank Online Marketing named Shonali one of 25 Women Who Rock Social Media.

Great partnership in the works
In light of Forbes recently naming Women Grow Business in its top blogs by women for marketing and social media, she’s an apt and wonderful steward for the blog community.

As I dive into a new phase of business ownership myself, I reflect on how much I’ve learned from WGB – on tenacity and what it means to ‘do good business.’ Shonali has been one of those teachers this year for sure. It is a thrill to see the strengths of this community combine with hers as a new decade takes flight.

She takes the helm officially tomorrow.
And she is regularly out and about on Twitter (@shonali) or at her blog Waxing Unlyrical. Her community involvement is found throughout the blogosphere like her Grow Smart Biz coverage or her support for the recent BlogPotomac Unconference. So look out 2010, a new awesome partnership is underway! I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Congrats Shonali! Congrats to bloggers and readers alike! And hey, when should we take these celebrations offline?!

Founding editor of Women Grow Business, Jill Foster was named by Forbes Magazine as one of 30 women entrepreneurs to follow on Twitter. She teaches communications through social media tools and community engagement in the Washington, DC area. Co-founder of DC Media Makers, she’s addicted to learning digital tech and helping professional women put their most authentic self forward both online and onstage. Her work has been in conversation at The Washington Post, Guardian UK, Huffington Post, and a range online outlets.

She looks forward to talking more on Twitter or at her brand new online home, Live Your Talk.

Tweet This Post

Professor Kathy Korman Frey at the George Washington University School of Business has kicked off the 2009-2010 HotMommas Case Study Competition.

Share your experience
It’s a unique project that takes the stories of the women and makes them teachable in a “case study” format, thus providing scalable, global access to role models and virtual mentors.

Need a refresher on Kathy’s great work?
Read this interview with Chief Hot Momma, Kathy Korman Frey, that we published a few months ago.

You have until January 31st:
If you want to nominate someone (yourself included) for the 2009-2010 competition, go to the HotMommas Facebook page or send an email with their information.

Links you may find useful/interesting:

The HotMommas Project

Nomination Form

Why Role Models Matter for Women and Girls

Hot Mommas Project Everyday Revolutionaties

Washington Post article

Tweet This Post

Recently I was blessed with the opportunity to hear Don Yaeger speak. Don is a four-time New York Times best-selling author and Editor of Sports Illustrated. His professional and life experience really made an impression on me – in regard to personal and professional leadership.

His insight relates to how we can impact our companies, as women and innovators in business and more.

In addition to actually getting past Michael Jordan to make a three-pointer during a charity sport weekend, Don has experienced some other life-changing circumstances that have taught him what it truly means to overcome adversity, muster strength from deep inside at the times you need it most when you don’t think you have anything left, and live a life of intention and passion.

Some of these experiences include:

• Walking into Afghanistan with the mujahadeen as they fought the Soviets
• Going into Baghdad with the victorious Iraqi soccer team as the battle between insurgents and the US Military waged around them
• Visiting China in pursuit of underworld characters counterfeiting American golf clubs
• Heading to Damascus to find the last living terrorist from the 1972 Olympics
• Living with football legend Walter Payton and his family as Payton was dying to write Payton’s biography
• Roaming around Europe and the Middle East interviewing Iraqi athletes tortured by Saddam Hussein’s son Uday, chairman of the Iraqi Olympic Committee

Shaping his perspective
Throughout his exceptional career, Don has developed deep, lasting relationships with the most elite athletes that you and I will only get to admire from afar. From Tiger Woods and Tom Brady to Serena Williams and Shaq, these are the people that has shaped Don’s perspective on life… and now Don is sharing those insights with the rest of us.

16 Characteristics of Greatness
Throughout Don’s entire speech, I was engaged in every story of both triumph and adversity… his own as well as the stories of others. But the greatest take-away for me that I want to share with you is what Don has identified throughout his journey as Sixteen Consistent Characteristics of Greatness. These traits describe the sports leaders that are the best in their field – the people that we admire every day.

How they think:

1. It’s personal
They hate to lose more than they love to win. People that aspire to greatness know that defeat just isn’t an option.

2. Rubbing elbows
They understand the value of association. I always say that we become the people that surround us. Those of us who are aspiring to greatness, it is our job to rub elbows with the right people and to learn what makes them successful and what keeps them going. In turn, it is up to them to help us better ourselves. And if you can’t change the people around you, then choose different people to be around. Think about it.

3. Believe
They have faith in a higher power. It is proven that a strong spiritual commitment, and a strong belief in faith is linked to a positive outcome. In our current economic state, always remember the power of a positive mind-set and the importance of belief in beating the impossible.

4. Contagious enthusiasm
They are positive thinkers… They are enthusiastic… and that enthusiasm rubs off. When you’re trying to work through your challenge-professional or personal – do so with the belief that the best is yet to come. Stay positive.

How they prepare:

5. Hope for the best but…
They prepare for all possibilities before they step on the field. I am an eternal optimist. But I am also a realist. When I enter into any situation, I am excited about the possibilities it may bring. But I also know that there are a lot of variables beyond my control. So I contingency-plan.

6. What off-season?
They are always working towards the next game… The goal is what’s ahead, and there’s always something ahead. if you visualize where you want to be and work backwards from there, you can always be moving the ball forward.

7. Visualize victory
They see victory before the game begins. Positive visualization is a proven ingredient of a successful outcome.

8. Inner fire
They use adversity as fuel.One thing in life is certain… none of us gets through without adversity. What matters is that we find the strength to work through it. When we are knocked down, it may take hours, days, weeks, or months, but we need to get back up. For me, I’m at the point where challenging situations invigorate me. I’m mentally tough enough to embrace the adversity heading my way, overcome it, and learn from it.

How they work:

9. Ice in their veins
(Image Ice Drip by Scott Kinmartin, Creative Commons)

They are risk-takers and don’t fear making a mistake. Failure is one of our greatest teachers. I’m amazed at how much risk-tolerance I have acquired. But it’s the one component that enables me to keep growing. If I stopped to think about how much I have on the line, I would be paralyzed.

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career,” NBA legend Michael Jordan, who was known for his late-game heroics in addition to six national titles, once said. “I’ve lost almost 300 games – 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”

10. When all else fails
They know how – and when – to adjust their game plan. Flexibility and adaptability is essential to survival. I wrote a previous column on this exact topic… the ability to shift when everything around you is shifting too.

11. Ultimate teammate
They will assume whatever role is necessary for the team to win. Individual accomplishments are important, but the sum is always greater in value than the individual parts. How much do you step up to help those around you? When others around you thrive, you thrive as well.

12. Not just about the Benjamins
They don’t play just for the money. It’s never about the money. And if it is, it’s about the wrong thing. The money will come if you follow your passion… if you become a part of something bigger than yourself. As a business owner, I view our profits as a catalyst to build a greater organization.

How they live:

13. Do unto others
They know character is defined by how they treat those who cannot help them. One of the greatest sources of satisfaction is helping others, from a truly altruistic standpoint. We all have something to give… our time, our experiences, our compassion.

14. When no one is watching
They are comfortable in the mirror… they live their life with integrity. I always tell my kids… “What matters is not what you do when everyone is watching. What matters is what you do when no one is watching.” Your ultimate accountability has to be to yourself.

15. When everyone is watching
They embrace the idea of being a role model. As leaders, we have an obligation to promote positive leadership, and demonstrate the positive influence we can have on others. Our actions shape those coming behind us.

16. Records are made to be broken
They know their legacy isn’t what they did on the field. They are well-rounded. A legacy isn’t what you took from this world. A legacy is what you leave behind.

More from:

• Marissa Levin and her Women Grow Business series on women in business, leadership, and sales;
• Sibyl Edwards and observing the mindset of entrepreneurs.

Guest contributor Marissa Levin is Founder and CEO of Information Experts. Launching a new Women Grow Business series on sales strategy, Marissa was named a 2008 BRAVO Award winner by SmartCEO Magazine (which honors the region’s 25 most influential women CEOs) and recently was listed in Washington’s 100 Technology Titans by Washingtonian Magazine. Describing her true passion as “helping other business owners be successful with their own business growth”, Marissa can be reached through her blog Marissa Levin.

Tweet This Post

Being warm and safe
With the fall season in full swing, nearing winter – many of us think of the wonderful gifts that the season brings us: the beautiful changing foliage, the opportunity to wear our favorite sweaters & jackets, evenings with friends & family as we share warm meals and blazing fires. But for too many in our society, the changing season brings a sense of dread because of plunging temperatures, lack of substantive food to warm our bodies, and a warm, safe place to sleep.

Homelessness is happening everywhere we turn.
It is not somebody else’s problem. It is everyone’s problem. Regardless of where you live, it is highly likely that you have come across a homeless individual or homeless family. Perhaps you’ve simply walked right past them as you carry on a conversation on your cell phone. Or maybe you’ve rolled up your window as they pass by cars stopped at a city traffic light.

As entrepreneurs, we can do better.
As entrepreneurs – leaders who are driven by a need to improve the world around them – we have an obligation to do better.

Business owners have tremendous reach and influence. They have the ability to inspire others to take positive steps, and call others to action.

Did you know that children under 18 make up 27% of the homeless population?
Families with children are now among the fastest growing group of the homeless population. They account for about 40% of the people who become homeless each year. 38% of the people already homeless are families with children. And 50% of America’s homeless of women and children are running from domestic abuse.

Homeless veterans
Did you know that of all of the homeless men, 40% of them have served in the armed forces? Compare that the the total adult male population, in which only 34% of the population has served in the armed forces. 19% of the urban homeless population are veterans. Think about that next time you roll up your window when someone walks by your car asking for help at a city light.

Homelessness among families upsets nearly every part of the family’s life. It disrupts children’s education and development. It affects the emotional and physical health of the family. It often forces family members to separate because of gender or age. Families with children constitute 20% of the homeless. Of those families who become homeless, 40% are families with children. That makes them the fastest growing segment of the homeless population.

So now I’ve pulled at your heartstrings, and you are saying, “Wow, that hits home a lot closer than I ever thought it did. Marissa, what can I do?” Well, I am glad you asked.

As a business owner, you can align with one of the many homeless shelters in your region to become a corporate donor.

We happen to support Reston Interfaith because our office is located in Reston, VA. We participate in coat drives and Thanksgiving drives every year. Like all homeless and transitional shelters, Reston Interfaith is in desperate need of food for its pantry. Donations are down significantly at all shelters, while the need for their services continues to escalate.

As a business owner
You can support Reston Interfaith’s need for food to fill Thanksgiving baskets so that needy families can have an enjoyable, food-filled Thanksgiving…something many of us take for granted. Reston Interfaith posts the information for the Thanksgiving baskets and the coat drive on their website, if you would like more information.

There are shelters all across the country
Just like Reston Interfaith, they need your help. If you have not visited a shelter, you should. For our older son’s birthday, in lieu of birthday presents for past birthday parties, he has collected donations to Reston Interfaith, and then has presented them to Kerrie Wilson, Reston Interfaith’s CEO. (Kerrie is a fellow SmartCEO BRAVA Award Winner, and has worked tirelessly to ensure that Reston Interfaith’s families get the support they need to regain self-efficacy and self-sufficiency).

Lessons in embarrassment, community, my son, and compassion
Through this experience, not only did my son gain the gift of a greater appreciation for his own life, he discovered the gift of compassion for children that are just like him…only living in a different environment. He donated the money he collected to purchase books and toys for these children.

One notable memory that has remained with him is that these children who live at the shelters board their school buses first in the morning, and exit the school buses last in the afternoon to avoid the embarrassment of living in a shelter.

So it is very possible that if you have children who attend school, they have school mates who live in a shelter, and your family would not even know about it.

There are so many ways a business owner can make a difference in the lives of others.

Toy drives, canned food drives, and clothing drives are just a few ways to make a difference. Supporting specific charities is another way. Donating products or services pro-bono is yet another way to give back.

Action plan for the next homeless person you meet or see
At the individual level, we can all take small steps to make a big impact. One thing I want to suggest to everyone is to go to Costco or another food warehouse and purchase a case of bottled water and perhaps some granola bars or another non-perishable item. Keep these in your car, on the floor behind your seat. The next time you are approached by a homeless person, or you see someone on the street, do not pretend you do not see them.

Give them a bottle of water and a couple of granola bars.
It very well be the only thing they have to eat and drink all day. In addition to giving them nourishment and sustenance, you will also give them something that is just as important… hope in humanity that we will take care of one another.

How are you and your organizations helping the local area?

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the struggling, and tolerant of the weak. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. – George Washington Carver

More from:

• Mahalo and where to help the homeless in the Washington, DC region;
• Thrive DC on helping homeless women in the DC area;

Guest contributor Marissa Levin is Founder and CEO of Information Experts. Launching a new Women Grow Business series on sales strategy, Marissa was named a 2008 BRAVO Award winner by SmartCEO Magazine (which honors the region’s 25 most influential women CEOs) and recently was listed in Washington’s 100 Technology Titans by Washingtonian Magazine. Describing her true passion as “helping other business owners be successful with their own business growth”, Marissa can be reached through her blog Marissa Levin.

Image I Wanna Hold Your Hand by San Diego Shooter, Creative Commons

Tweet This Post

Earlier in the week, I entered a conversation here at Women Grow Business about my former career as a bellydancer — and its influence on my public speaking and audience engagement. Since then, several additional concepts came to mind. So here the conversation continues; and certainly share your thoughts in the comments (or tools and tips of your own that have strengthened your leadership through public speaking).

Re-purpose your best work and stories:
Develop a repertoire of personal stories on topics of importance to your business. As a dancer, I had certain songs and moves I’d return to time and again because they worked for me. And as a speaker, I have a similar set of stories I recycle to convey different ideas, beliefs or concepts.

It’s these stories that will make people care about your presentation and see the mission of your organization more clearly. Take the time to develop your stories.

Encourage participation:
I always knew I was having a good night when the audience got up to dance. It meant I had converted them from audience members to participants. That’s why as a speaker, I try to give the audience an opportunity to act. Whether it’s raising a hand, offering a comment, or demonstrating a concept, when you involve people, you win advocates. And that additional support is what often converts a presentation from mediocre to memorable. Presenters do better when they feel supported by the audience.

Open and exit with a bang:
People remember the way you enter and the way you leave. That’s why bellydancers use big, dramatic music at the start and finale of their sets. Similarly, many speakers try to open with a joke. Sometimes this works but when it doesn’t it’s really bad. My strength is telling personal stories so that’s how I start my speeches. You may be different. The key is knowing your strengths and using them where it counts.

You must have heart:
Every bellydancer includes a taqsim in her show. It’s the section of the set where she performs to one instrument — a solo flute, oud or acordian. Slow, sweet, mysterious — it cannot be choreographed and it cannot be faked. The dancer must feel it in the moment. The best speakers have similar moments. Martin Luther King Jr. had one when he told the world “I have a dream.” Hilary Clinton had one during her campaign speech in New Hampshire when she departed from the talking points and said: “this is very personal for me.” And I can’t help but wonder what other amazing speeches the world would have if more people opened their hearts to the audience. Because that is what it takes to change the world in your speech. [image Heart of Clouds by Tony Immoos, Creative Commons]

Finally, one last idea to keep in mind. And if none of these tips have helped, maybe this one will: Be thankful that you are not standing in front of your audience half naked, wearing a hot pink sequined bra and skirt. Be comfortable and confident in your skin and you’ll do fine!

More from:

• Katie Kemple and her leadership series on Women Grow Business.

Guest post by Katie Kemple, producer of the Women Grow Business leadership series. With an extensive background in radio, television, and communications, she holds an Executive Master’s in Leadership from Georgetown University. Katie believes in the power of positive thinking (plus embracing failure as a path to success). She can be reached via twitter @kkemple and on her blog Love Your Layoff.

Tweet This Post

When I was in my 20s I led a double life.
By day, I was a PR manager at a non-profit — writing speeches, pitching the media and organizing events. By night, I was a professional bellydancer shuffling between gigs at embassies, parties and restaurants. Of the two, guess where I learned more about the art of giving speeches?

Hint: it wasn’t in my cubicle.

As a PR manager, I wrote speeches about 4 times a year. But as a bellydancer, I was performing at least 4 times a week. As such, my presentation skills improved faster as a dancer, and I began to discover why certain things work and other don’t. I had my bellydance successes — nights when the crowds were up on their feet dancing, cheering and throwing bills in the air. But, I also had my failures. The shows where my audience barely lifted a head from the dinner table to acknowledge my presence.

Eventually, my career took a new direction. I started a master’s degree in leadership at Georgetown. And, I became pregnant with my first child. Soon, I was preparing more speeches for class than dances for gigs.

My communications professor challenged our class to “change the world” with our speeches. A lofty goal, but one you must acheive as a leader.

Of course, it helps to know the dynamics of performance and for that I often refer to the 8 rules of presentation I learned as a bellydancer.

Don’t rely on props:
One of the worst things a bellydancer can do is bring out a prop, such as a sword or veil, and not use it properly. The audience will stare at the prop, just waiting for the dancer to do something interesting. Similarly, speakers use crutches like Power Point or hand-outs that distract if not used strategically. The audience stares at the prop and misses the speech. Don’t use a prop unless you’re going to amaze people with it.

Improvise:
Watching a bellydancer perform choreography is boring. It’s far more exciting to see a performer take in the mood, tone and audience of a place and translate that into dance. Choreography is the equivalent to reading a speech. It blocks you from connecting with the audience. It takes practice to talk from bullet points rather than reading lines off a script, but once you master it, there are no limits to your potential. Your audience will feel the difference.

Your audience has the power:
Audiences have more power than they realize [image Power-People by Guenno, Creative Commons]. It’s impossible for a dancer to do well if the audience isn’t in the mood to see a show. I’ve balanced swords on my head and spun with them there and still had tables completely ignore me. The same holds true for giving a speech. If people aren’t in the mood, they’re not going to be a good audience. Be mindful of your audience, but also know that sometimes even great speeches fall flat because the audience doesn’t want to hear a speech. Don’t take it personally.

Leave ‘em wanting more:
A common mistake for dancers is choosing a set that’s too long. Shorter is almost always better. Far wiser to leave people wanting more than to leave the impression that you’re boring. It seems simple, and yet, I see this problem too often at events. I attended a benefit several years ago where the founder of a company rambled on so long that people actually started to leave during her speech. Don’t let that be you!

And on that note, let me extend thanks to you for being a great audience for this post. My experience as a performer significantly impacted my approach to public speech; and I want to share more with you soon. In the interim, what tips have you derived from your own experience for giving a ‘change the world’ presentation?

Guest post by Katie Kemple, producer of the Women Grow Business leadership series. With an extensive background in radio, television, and communications, she holds an Executive Master’s in Leadership from Georgetown University. Katie believes in the power of positive thinking (plus embracing failure as a path to success). She’s writing a memoir about being unemployed and a book on finding joy in leadership (with her blog at Love Your Layoff, where she can be reached).

Tweet This Post

Guest post by Katie Kemple, producer of the Women Grow Business leadership series. With an extensive background in radio, television, and communications, she holds an Executive Master’s in Leadership from Georgetown University. Katie believes in the power of positive thinking (plus embracing failure as a path to success). She’s writing a memoir about being unemployed and a book on finding joy in leadership (with her blog at Love Your Layoff, where she can be reached).

When I was a kid, I used to get in trouble. A lot.
And when I did, I would hope and pray that my father made it home before my mother did. My mom worked in my school district, so it was harder for her to remain objective. Having your kid make a scene and hearing about it from others teachers is, understandably, embarrassing. Regardless, I preferred my dad in such situations for three reasons, he:

• 1) remained calm
• 2) listened to my side of the story
• 3) made it clear that while he didn’t agree with my actions, he still loved me

I didn’t realize it then, but my dad was good at this for a reason. He was the chief negotiator for his union.

Say the word “negotiation” and the first thing that comes to mind is money. Negotiating a contract, a salary, a bill. But, the truth is, life is a negotiation and a majority of it has nothing to do with money.

Negotiating is what happens when people have conflicting needs. If you thought about it, you could probably name several examples from the last few hours. For instance, my toughest negotiation today was with my toddler. She wanted to go for a walk outside, but it was rainy, so I negotiated a deal to Skype with Grandma and Grandpa instead.

Lose ground (or gain it)
In business, it’s precisely these routine negotiations where you can lose ground. In the heat of the moment [image by HannaT, Creative Commons] -people get carried away and forget what’s at stake: not the money, contract, or time, but the relationships. Because, lets face it, not every deal is going to work out. Sometimes the products, events or strategies are not the right fit. But that does not mean the person you’re negotiating with will never be the right fit for some program further down the line.

If you’re a great negotiator, like my dad, you always leave the table showing great care and respect for your opponent.

To him, it didn’t matter whether you were negotiating a five year contract, a curfew, or the last bagel, win or lose, you always knew he cared but it wasn’t personal. And that’s why I wanted to keep doing business with my dad and why many others felt the same way.

Boiling it down to the final score: remain calm & establish trust. Many years later I can’t count the number of classes I’ve taken on negotiating. I could talk your ear off discussing BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement), anchoring and cultural negotiation tactics. I was treated to a barrage of negotiating simulations to practice such techniques while working on my masters. But it all boiled down to this: if my opponent and I were able to establish trust at the beginning, remain calm, listen, and express care — we both achieved higher points on our final score. Plus, we finished earlier than the other teams and walked out smiling.

When prone to heated debate: tactics
What has impressed me about this approach is that it even works on people normally prone to heated debate. If you don’t take the bait, they can’t reel you in. And taking the bait here is: getting emotional, refusing to listen, and freezing people out if you don’t get your way.

As an entrepreneur you’re constantly faced with negotiations, particularly if you have a small or non-existent staff.

[As a business owner] You must use influence to persuade people who don’t directly report to you. That often makes it trickier.

How to lose clients: dictate your way through negotiation
I’ve seen trail blazers waltz into a situation thinking they can dictate the outcome of a relationship to a vendor. It never works. And if it does, eventually the other party becomes so exhausted that they opt to drop you as a client all together.

That’s why establishing trust, care, and good listening skills are so essential. Your business depends on it.

Here are several examples of how others have used trust, listening and care to achieve winning results in negotiations.

• Harvard Business School, Six Ways to Build Trust in Negotiations: Great case study on a woman who used a trust-based strategy to save her business $25 million in annual revenues.
• Everybody Negotiates, Listening Skills: One Key to Successful Negotiation: 12 excellent suggestions for ramping up your listening skills during a negotiation.
• Womens Media, Listening to Women: New Perspectives on Negotiation: How women succeed in negotiations by paying attention to “shadow negotiations,” instances where small wins deliver a big impact.

Tweet This Post

I’ve been thinking about the terminology that we use to describe our relationships on various social networks. I “follow” people on Twitter and people “follow” me back. I have “friends” on Facebook. I am “linked” to people on LinkedIn. The “follow” relationship is the one I find most fascinating.

When you “follow” someone, you:

• Accept them as a guide or leader
• Imitate or follow their example
• Watch their movement or progress

While I understand that my “followers” on Twitter probably don’t see me as a leader, there are certainly people on Twitter who I “follow” because I consider them thought leaders and I want to know what they’re reading and thinking. Think about it. We never say that we “follow” a Web site, company or newsletter, but we do say that we “follow” someone’s blog. I know I consider it a high compliment when someone tells me that they “follow” my blog.

In the book Tribes, marketing guru Seth Godin tells us it’s human nature to want to be part of a group that shares a common passion and recognizes the same leader; in other words, most of us want to be part of a tribe. Further, Seth believes that using the Web and social networking tools, everyone can now find or assemble a tribe and lead it.

So I say to each of you and your organizations: People want to follow, are you ready to lead?

[Post and graphic were cross-posted from the Matrix Files with permission from J. Pineda]

More from:

• Crain’s New York Business on small businesses gaining big from online social networks;
• Amber Naslund at Altitude Branding on building a social media team for your company.

Founder/CEO and self-proclaimed Chief Troublemaker of Matrix Group International Joanna Pineda is a Women Grow Business enthusiast. She is known for her visionary big-picture thinking and drive for excellence. Combining her broad liberal arts background and passion for technology, she started Matrix Group in 1999, today a leading interactive agency. As a trusted advisor, Joanna inspires and motivates her clients and employees alike to simply, “be better” with her mantra being: Do or Do Not. There is no try!

Tweet This Post

Guest post by Katie Kemple, producer of the Women Grow Business leadership series. With an extensive background in radio, television, and communications, she holds an Executive Master’s in Leadership from Georgetown University. Katie believes in the power of positive thinking (plus embracing failure as a path to success). She’s writing a memoir about being unemployed and a book on finding joy in leadership (with her blog at Love Your Layoff, where she can be reached).

Encouraging Critical Feedback
I got my undergraduate degree in creative writing. Not a likely background for most businesswomen. But, writing aside, I learned two key leadership skills in my classes: how to give and receive criticism.

Of course, the beauty of a writing workshop is that there’s a system for feedback.

By entering the class, you are asking others to review your work in the hopes that by doing so, you will improve.

That is, in fact, the entire value of taking the class.

But the work place is not a writing workshop. We do our jobs and there is often very little time reserved for critical feedback. If you’re an entrepreneur this is particularly true. You may or may not have employees, vendors, and clients who voluntarily provide feedback.

Chances are, if you as an entrepreneur don’t have a system in place, you’re missing a lot.

The problem: absent ways to vent

(image, Listen To Reason, by Jared Chapman)

If your contacts [and stakeholders in general] don’t have an opportunity to provide critical feedback, they will most likely vent their frustrations to others. That’s why I’m an advocate for creating systems to provide regular, constructive, and critical feedback.

Taking initiative
As a chief operating officer, I made a point to call all of our clients personally, at least twice a year to hear their feedback on our service. These calls surfaced valuable feedback on our strengths and weaknesses. They also provided useful information on the state of their business beyond our relationship.

Some conversations led to in-depth discussions about new technology. Others, to new ways for us to collaborate to solve problems previously off the radar.

And many conversations sparked internal discussions about how to improve our service. Furthermore, our clients genuinely appreciated the opportunity to have an honest discussion.

To get started:
Make a list of your stakeholders: employees, board members, clients, vendors, peers. For each group, ask yourself how much feedback you’re currently receiving. Is any of it critical? Next, determine how frequently and when to request feedback. Be flexible. An annual review is a start, but not always the best way to get critical feedback.

I like to strike while the iron’s hot, and ask for feedback immediately following a big project.

This not only yields insight at its peak, but also helps inform the next big initiative.

Several rules I suggest for the feedback process:

• Rule #1: Encourage honesty by stating you want to improve your business and that you’re open to critical feedback.
• Rule #2: Prepare a list of open ended questions.
• Rule #3: Once a question is posed, listen without interrupting.
• Rule #4: Don’t get defensive! Fighting feedback will not help you.
• Rule #5: Ask follow up questions to fully understand the scope of a problem.
• Rule #6: Ask for suggestions and identify action steps.
• Rule #7: Thank the person providing feedback and tell them how they’ve helped you.
• Rule #8: Follow up. Nothing shows understanding like action itself.

It is essential in feedback conversations to create a safe, open environment. I can’t stress that enough. The best way to do this is to show your employees, vendors and clients through daily interactions that you want to hear their thoughts.

Nothing kills critical feedback faster than a defensive boss.

Likewise, watch out for feedback bullies on your executive team. Ideally, you want every person you’re dealing with to feel comfortable speaking up — regardless of who else is in the room.

By nurturing an environment conducive to feedback, you will collect more useful and practical feedback to improve your business. It’s also a very sincere way to show people you care.

And when you listen to their thoughts and integrate them into your business, you give people a sense of shared ownership in the results.

That means more support on your road to success.

More on feedback:

• Giving and Receiving Feedback with more on “closed” vs. “open” ways to receive it.
• Job Performance Feedback: 7 Tips for Receiving Feedback Gracefully;
• Monday Tip: Ask for Feedback per Chief Happiness Officer Alexander Kjerulf;
• The Right Way to Ask for Feedback. Get great stats on dissatisfied customers and suggestions on how to set up a survey to measure satisfaction.

Tweet This Post